Marriage, Relationships and Couples Counselling Brisbane

Let’s face it, relationships can be difficult and challenging to navigate. Likewise, they can be exciting, invigorating and life changing. If you are struggling with a relationship, it’s helpful to chat with a professional.

Let’s face it – working out how to best function and thrive within a relationship can be tricky. When two or more people come together, whether in a romantic connection, a marriage, a sexual relationship, a friendship, or a family situation, there will inevitably be differences that require compromise and a bit of give and take. If you are struggling within a relationship, talking to a neutral, unbiased third person professionally trained in helping relationships thrive is a worthwhile investment, allowing you to take the proper steps with your partner toward a relationship of mutual love and individual growth. The psychologists attending Brisbane Counselling Centre care about their clients and understand the complexities of relationship dynamics. Relationship counselling can provide a safe environment for you to discuss challenging topics.

Overcoming challenges together

Couples and marriage counselling can assist people in adjusting to major life events and changes in their relationships, such as:

  • Moving in together
  • Getting married
  • Recovering from an affair
  • Having a baby
  • Going through IVF
  • Experiencing postpartum depression
  • Differences in long-term goals and plans for the future
  • Family expectations
  • Work pressures
  • Financial stress
  • Illness
  • Long-distance relationships and fly-in/fly-out situations.

These challenges, amongst others, can result in stress and communication breakdowns in a relationship. Being proactive and seeking professional assistance from a relationship counsellor can help to minimise the impact of these significant life events.

Why should we seek pre-marriage counselling?

Chatting with a trained professional before you get married is a wise idea, even if you consider your relationship to be rock-solid. Pre-marriage counselling with a therapist provides an opportunity for you to iron out some differences before you make such a significant commitment to one another. It also offers a chance for you both to develop your communication and interpersonal skills, with feedback from the therapist about where and how you can improve together.

Pre-marriage counselling can incorporate emotionally focused therapy to help identify differences in values, behaviour patterns & habits, financial management and cultural & ethical issues in an open, safe, and unbiased environment.

It aims to give couples a deeper understanding of communication, conciliation, and resolution skills that are optimal for transitioning into a healthy, long-lasting marriage partnership. For some, it can also illuminate the problematic subject of marriage readiness.

Why do relationships fail?

Healthy relationships typically require hard work from both partners. However, many people don’t think of them in this way, often believing that harmonious relationships occur automatically.

Most relationships begin similarly – a person falls madly in love with another and can see no wrong in the person they’ve fallen for. As the saying goes, “Love is blind”! But, however beautifully a relationship begins, cracks often begin to emerge sooner or later, and a partner who was once considered ‘perfect’ and ‘infallible’ now begins to let their partner down and disappoint them.

Difficulties eventually emerge in relationships, and whilst some can be quickly resolved, others can become problematic. Unhelpful patterns can begin developing in communication, interactions, and conflict resolution. These relationship issues can frequently result in a couple getting stuck in an unhealthy way of being together.

The same old arguments and discussions come up repeatedly, like a twisted merry-go-round with no clear way to get off. Many people consider separating at this point, when an alternative would be to seek professional help and engage in couples therapy or marriage counselling services, in order to work through these challenging times in the relationship.

When do we get help for our relationship?

All relationships face difficulties that couples can often resolve over time.

However, if unhelpful communication, interaction and behaviour patterns become entrenched, it is time to seek professional support from a counsellor for relationships. It is better, if possible, to seek couples counselling before any maladaptive patterns can take hold.

Active engagement with a psychologist trained in couples and marriage therapy is a particularly effective way to resolve many typical relationship problems. Sadly, many people wait until they feel desperate in their relationship before they seek relationship counselling or individual therapy, which can be a problematic state of mind to be in when trying to rebuild a partnership or marriage.

Early intervention in the form of relationship therapy is the most beneficial way of overcoming any potential relationship difficulties and maintaining a strong, healthy partnership.

Perhaps you and your partner can often solve the problems that come up in your relationship by yourselves, which is fantastic! However, suppose you have tried, and your attempts have been unsuccessful. In that case, engaging a psychologist in couples counselling can be of great assistance in moving your relationship forward, helping to free yourself and your partner from the confines of the negative patterns that have formed in your relationship.

In an ideal world, both people in the relationship would be willing to seek assistance through relationship counselling. However, sometimes, one partner is not open to the idea. Surprisingly, even if only one person in the relationship is willing to attend counselling, it is possible for that person to work with the therapist to achieve positive change within the relationship, leading to better outcomes for both parties.

Nurturing relationships

To have a healthy relationship, one needs to nurture it. Harmonious relationships don’t just happen by themselves. Relationships and friendships take time, energy, focus and commitment. When a person doesn’t look after their partner or friendship, the connection generally deteriorates. It is vital to fully engage with our partners and friends rather than half listening to them, paying attention to something else, or taking them for granted.

Neglecting a relationship is a sure way to create problems in the partnership or marriage. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how long you’ve been together; everyone needs their partner to care for them and receive the message loud and clear,

“I love you, and you are important to my life.”
 

Constructive communication

Conflict happens in almost every relationship. While it is present in most relationships, resolution can be challenging to reach without adequate skills. You don’t have to fight to resolve a conflict; with the proper skill set and the ability to communicate effectively, people in relationships can have constructive, robust conversations without destroying their relationship or leaving their partner feeling unheard, hurt, or misunderstood.

Typically, people disagree about issues and become hurt, frustrated, and disappointed. They often fail to talk about it, or they may say hurtful things, which takes them further away from finding a solution. When this happens, people often participate in what is referred to as the “blame game” and believe that if only their partner would change, then the relationship would be so much better.

Criticism of one’s partner often becomes a destructive and unhelpful pattern of behaviour. When one is criticised, a common human reaction is to become defensive and/or critical of the other person. Often, at this point, people can do and say things that they later regret, which leaves the other person feeling hurt, rejected, and misunderstood.

A psychologist or counsellor trained in relationships can help people identify and rectify these destructive communication patterns and assist the couple or individual to achieve more harmonious interactions. Counselling regarding a relationship, friendship, work colleague, or family situation often involves exploring what is happening for you as an individual in that situation, focusing on what you can manage and change, and holding yourself accountable for your own actions.

Realistic expectations

Another area where problems can occur in relationships is when people hold unrealistic or unachievable expectations of their partner or friend. If one person thinks something needs to be done a certain way and the other person’s view differs from theirs, conflict and tension can quickly arise.

Some people expect their partner to meet all their needs. This expectation is unrealistic and puts too much pressure on the person and the relationship. It’s important to determine what needs can be met within your relationship and what else you must do to have needs met outside of the relationship or friendship. Maintaining your sense of self and individuality is also essential for the success of a relationship. Maintaining your autonomy can breathe oxygen into your relationship.

Partners can also experience conflict around expectations regarding aspects of life such as caring for children, parenting style, sexual interests, financial management, choice of school, household tasks, holiday destinations, and values and beliefs, to name a few. It is crucial to keep communication open and respectful about these aspects of life rather than assuming that you and your partner agree on everything.

In a relationship, it is so important to share and develop a deep, mutual understanding with your partner of each other’s expectations and develop ways in which you can work together as a team, using healthy conflict resolution skills and communication skills that you can obtain through relationship counselling with a caring psychologist or counsellor.

My partner cheated – what now?

When a partner chooses to connect with someone outside of their relationship, it often causes a great deal of pain to their significant other, shaking the relationship or marriage to its core. The betrayed partner might feel shocked, angry, sad, devastated, hurt and confused.

After an affair occurs in your relationship, it’s essential to seek help as soon as possible from a professional who empathises with you and what you’re going through. It’s also best not to rush into making life-changing decisions amidst a fog of emotional pain and chaos. If your partner who has betrayed you doesn’t wish to seek counselling, it will still be helpful for you to speak with a psychologist or counsellor. The therapists at Brisbane Counselling Centre understand the pain that you’re feeling and can assist you in making sense of what has happened and working through the emotional trauma you are experiencing.

Although it may surprise you, it is possible to recover from an affair and for your relationship to improve and become healthier than it was before the infidelity.

Sexual difficulties

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and invariably, people may experience difficulties in sexual interactions at varying stages throughout their lives. Our family backgrounds, religious views, personal experiences, and media portrayal can all impact how we individually understand sex and how we believe it “should” and “shouldn’t” be.

Sometimes, people can experience sexual issues that can harm their relationships, including porn addiction, erectile issues, desire issues, premature ejaculation, orgasmic difficulties and vaginismus. Seeking help as soon as you recognise such problems can drastically affect the quality and connection within your relationship.

If the relationship has come to an end, it’s important to remember that:

Even if you’ve sought professional help, the unfortunate fact is that your relationship might still end. Even if you wanted it to end or there was a mutual agreement to move on, a relationship or friendship rarely ends without difficulties.

Notably, the human brain isn’t keen on being single, so you may experience withdrawal after the relationship ends. When this happens, we tend to fantasise about how great the relationship was while forgetting the not-so-great bits. You might even find yourself unable to remember why you even decided to end the relationship in the first place.

Likewise, people think they must endure poor treatment from their family members just because they are family. Nobody needs to put up with poor behaviour in any relationship.

Therapy can help!

Speaking with a trained professional who cares can help you work through any relationship challenges you might be facing, allowing you to determine more effective ways of functioning within your life, both as an individual and a partner. Even if you aren’t struggling but would still like to learn more about improving your relationships, psychologists and counsellors at Brisbane Counselling Centre can help.

Couples can approach their appointments with a therapist on a session-by-session basis; some couples find enormous benefits from just one or two one-hour sessions. Others choose to engage in more in-depth therapy or pursue individual counselling around other (often past) issues.