Grief and Loss Counselling

Grieving is a uniquely individual experience; there is no right or wrong way to grieve and it is not a linear journey (click here for a historical critique of grief theory).

The highly qualified and experienced psychologists at this Centre can help in two ways:

1. Grief and Loss Counselling.

2. Treatment of Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD).

Loss and Grief

The grief associated with death is familiar to most people, but individuals grieve in connection with a variety of losses throughout their lives, such as unemployment, ill-health or the end of a relationship.

The definition of loss as a “state of deprivation of a motivationally significant conspecific, object, or situation” understates its significance and complexity in the human domain, with the what and how of physical and abstract loss key co-determinants of the instinctive, individualised response we call grief.

Even the most subtle losses in our lives can disorientate us, triggering a sense of grief that can often feel overwhelming and may lead us to experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions and physical symptoms that can erode our well-being and negatively impact our quality of life including:

Emotional/behavioural

• shock and denial
• longing and ‘searching’ for what was lost
• talking to the lost one
• depression
• feeling numb as though in a daze
• feeling abandoned
• loneliness
• feeling overwhelmingly sad
• crying a lot, sometimes uncontrollably or feeling guilty because you aren’t able to cry
• anger, irritability, short-tempered
• guilt, shame, blame (and sometimes relief)
• frustration, helplessness, hopelessness, and despair
• questioning long held beliefs and drawing on spiritual connections.

Cognitive (thinking processes)

• slowed thinking
• mental confusion
• intrusive thoughts
• repetitious thoughts
• difficulty making decisions
• inactivity or difficulty stopping activity
• lack of motivation toward or difficulty stopping an activity

Somatic (physical)

• nausea
• pain/tension, headaches
• sleep problems
• low energy/exhaustion

Psychosocial

• isolation/withdrawal from others
• anxiety, stress, panic attacks
• having to comfort others who are also grieving
• loss of interest in activities enjoyed previously.
• marital or relationship stress or tension
• impatience with others who are grieving the same loss due to different ways of feeling/expressing their grief.

What is Grief Counselling?

In short, grief counselling involves

• processing and coping with the emotional pain, loneliness, numbness, rumination, regret, disbelief, disruption, disconnection, recurring reminders etc that may be felt after a loss.
• strategies to restore the capacity to experience happiness, feel joy, and renew meaningful relationships with family, friends, and community.

Rather than adhering to a universal “psychology of grief” that clearly pales in the face of human diversity, Grief Counselling at this Centre provides tailored and integrative evidence-based support according to each individual’s circumstances.

It provides a ‘scaffold’ to support your grief and to assist with creating a secure foundation so that you can re-engage with the world when you are ready by:

• Understanding and recognising the natural grief instinct and the emotional, cognitive, behavioural, and physical manifestations relevant to the particular loss you have suffered.
• Strengthening or developing additional adaptive coping strategies.
• Identifying and dealing with maladaptive or destructive ways of grieving.
• Addressing other resulting or co-occurring issues such as disorders of stress, anxiety and depression.
• Identifying and forestalling obstacles to recovery.
• Optimising interactions with others during grieving.
• Developing the tools and strategies for positive post-grieving personal growth.

How is grief different to bereavement?

Whereas grief is the multifaceted response—emotional, behavioural, and social—to a loss or major life adjustment, bereavement refers specifically to one type of event, that is, the death (traumatic or otherwise) of a person and the corresponding response to this event (“bereavement”) experienced by an individual (“mourner”, “the bereaved”) who was motivationally significant (”close”) to the deceased.

The death of someone close is one of life’s greatest stressors, and grief is a stress response. Additionally, added stressors may result including:

• Friendships we shared with the deceased may change, sparking additional grief.
• People may start avoiding or acting differently toward us (as if grief is contagious); invitations to parties suddenly dry up, for example.

Around 30 days after ‘normal’ bereavement begins, there is an elevated of risk for heart attack and stroke, along with alterations to immune function that are linked to the severity of the symptoms.

Different bereavement responses

The literature distinguishes between ‘normal’ and ‘complicated/complex’ courses of grief. In the case of the normal process, the individual comes to terms with the loss of a close person and adjusts to life in the new reality. Factors that influence the proper course of grief include age, health status, personality traits, degree of closeness to the deceased, circumstances of death, and (arguably). attachment style.

On the other hand, grief can become derailed in a minority of cases, and cause a deterioration in an individual’s ability to function in an ‘ordinary’ way. Additionally, it may be marked by emotional, cognitive (thinking), and behavioural maladaptations (unhealthy coping patterns) that prolong and intensify the experience of bereavement.

Bereavement-related depression and, particularly in cases of violent loss, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) have similarly been linked to post-loss distress.

Recognition & treatment of Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD)

Although grief counselling and/or widely available self-help ‘grief work’ guides, programs and support groups (see appendix) may be useful for ‘normal’ grief, it is recommended that specialised treatment be sought for the small but significant proportion of people (approximately 10% in the case of natural loss and 49 % in the case of traumatic loss) who (for reasons eluding three decades of vigorous research) will suffer extraordinarily severe, persistent and disabling grief for a prolonged period.

Absent a focused intervention, the damaging effects of grief may last for months, years, or even decades. The failure to envision and restore a life of meaning without the loved one, together with profound suffering and impairment in major role functioning, constitutes the essence of PGD as defined by these diagnostic criteria* as assessed by a trained professional:

For more detailed information about PGD, please click here.