The Gottman Method

The Gottman method is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy that strengthens emotional connection, improves communication, and rebuilds trust. Developed by Dr John and Dr Julie Gottman, the method helps couples overcome challenges like infidelity, broken trust, and conflict using proven tools such as the sound relationship house theory and the Gottman relationship checkup.

The goal is to increase empathy and understanding, helping partners restore respect and affection. Therapy begins with a thorough relationship assessment, followed by a structured plan to create lasting, positive change.

Gottman therapy is a structured process that focuses on building a strong emotional connection, improving communication skills, and learning how to effectively manage conflict. It begins with a comprehensive relationship assessment using the Gottman relationship checkup, followed by a personalised treatment plan. The therapy incorporates evidence-based tools, such as the sound relationship house theory, to help couples strengthen their bond. Throughout the process, couples learn to deepen their understanding of each other, rebuild trust, and create lasting changes in their relationship dynamics.

The Gottman relationship checkup is a comprehensive online assessment that provides valuable insights into your relationship’s strengths and areas for improvement. The survey is purchased directly from the Gottman website, and is to be sent separately to both partners to complete. After the survey is completed, the therapist will review the results and interpret the findings and create a tailored treatment plan.

The Gottman relationship checkup is a crucial part of the therapy process. It provides a comprehensive assessment of your relationship, identifying strengths and areas that need improvement. Without the survey, gathering this information would take multiple sessions, delaying progress. The insights gained help create a tailored treatment plan, ensuring therapy is focused and effective from the start.

The Gottman method is one of the most well-researched and effective approaches to couples therapy. Backed by over 40 years of scientific research, studies show that couples who engage in Gottman therapy experience significant improvements in communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection.

The Gottman method is not designed for crisis management or emergency intervention. It is a structured, research-based approach that helps couples strengthen their relationship over time by improving communication, rebuilding trust, and deepening emotional connection. While it can help with serious challenges, it works best when applied consistently, rather than as a quick fix for an immediate crisis.

Therapy typically starts with weekly sessions to build momentum and address key relationship challenges. As progress is made, sessions can gradually shift to a fortnightly schedule. The ideal frequency depends on the couple’s specific situation and the issues being addressed. Some couples may benefit from fortnightly sessions earlier, while others may need more consistent and regular support. Consistency is essential to maintain progress and create lasting, meaningful therapeutic change.

The exact timeframe can vary depending on the couple’s unique challenges and level of commitment. With consistent effort and participation, couples can see lasting positive changes in their communication, intimacy, and conflict-resolution skills.

The Gottman method requires both partners to be engaged in the therapeutic process to be most effective. It cannot be done alone, as the approach is based on both individuals working together to improve their relationship. However, if you are facing personal issues that may be contributing to the relationship struggles, individual therapy can be beneficial to work on those aspects separately.

If you are struggling to convince your partner that therapy will be beneficial, we’ve written an article that provides some strategies for overcoming partner resistance to therapy.

The duration of therapy depends on the unique needs of each couple. It’s important to remember that no therapy is a quick fix—addressing deep-rooted issues takes time, effort, and consistent work. The Gottman method focuses on long-term change, and progress may vary from couple to couple. Together, you and your therapist will regularly assess your progress and adjust the therapy to best suit your situation.

The Gottman method can be highly effective in helping couples navigate the aftermath of infidelity. It focuses on rebuilding trust, enhancing communication, and addressing the underlying issues that contributed to the betrayal. The therapy helps both partners process their emotions, understand the root causes of the infidelity, and work together to rebuild a stronger foundation for the relationship. While this can be a challenging journey, the Gottman method provides structured tools to help couples move through it with empathy, understanding, and care.

Trust can absolutely be rebuilt after betrayal, and the Gottman method offers a proven approach to help couples heal. Research shows that 73% of couples stay together after rebuilding trust using the Gottman trust revival method, which involves three phases:

1. Atone: The betraying partner takes responsibility for the hurt and pain, shows remorse, and commits to transparency.
2. Attune: This phase focuses on understanding and tuning into each other’s emotions and needs. It involves improving communication, practising empathy, and learning to listen deeply to rebuild emotional connection.
3. Attach: Couples rebuild intimacy, set shared goals, and create a stronger emotional bond for the future.

With commitment and professional guidance from your relationship counsellor, many couples not only recover but also build a more resilient relationship after an affair.